Monday, December 10, 2012

Fear of the Unknown.

In 2009, I gave birth to my first daughter, Caylee Anne at 10:45 pm. A short 14 months later at 4:34 pm, our second daughter, Lily Marie was born. In 8 short months, a new duckling will join our family and as cool, calm and collective as I try to act, I am terrified. 6 months ago, My Husband and I suffered a miscarriage at 4 weeks along. It was one of the most heartbreaking things, that we have gone through.
I have been getting my Betas checked and they went from being 89 to 280 and tomorrow, I will get tested again. 

I have heard many people say, "Two is hard, that's a breeze!" 
Now am I being lied to?
I find it hard to wrangle the two I have, and now to add another one. Woofta.

Ross (My Husband) and I, knew we wanted more kids, it was just a matter of when. We just did not expect it to happen so soon after our previous loss. I look at every child as a blessing, and I can not wait to hold and kiss and sing this baby to sleep, like I do with my girls. I never wanted to be a Mother. (Bible!) I thought that kids were loud, annoying and just plain dirty. I never had that maternal bond when I would look or hold a baby, that is until I got pregnant. The second Caylee was born, my entire outlook changed. I suddenly didn't mind the throw up running down my cheek or the poop that got on my hand. I loved the late night feedings and looked forward to every doctor appointment and library visit, etc.

That didn't change with Lily. I loved it all, I still love it all.

I can not wait for #3's arrival into this world. I can't wait to share my entire pregnancy journey with all of my readers and get advice and input and whatever else you all have to offer me!

Until next time,


1 comment:

  1. It is amazing how a little person can change your heart in an instance.